Step Up on Second Writers' Anthology

A Mother's open letter to her loved one

I want so much to convey my heartbreak and horror at the punishment you must endure with your illness. I walk through the fire with you, helpless to impact the hell raining down. How to continue, year after year? Where to find the strength and courage? There is a warrior in us both, but the adversary is cruel and relentless.

At times, I misplace my anger toward you, for which I am truly sorry. I know it is the same for you towards me.

Other times I get a brush of the sweet, kind, and peaceful people we are apart from this illness. Though fleeting, these moments are an oasis, a soothing balm. I bolster myself with the thought that we decided, long ago, before we came to earth, that this would be our path, chosen together for a greater purpose. This thought helps to amortize the crushing heft of this illness out over the eons of time.

I meet fellow travelers on this path and we immediately recognize one another – through eyes that have beheld the pit. We are like the strangers, bonded forever, after a searing night together in an emergency waiting room.

Over time, I've come to know this struggle quite intimately, though not nearly as deeply as you. Not even close. You are the brave one, the courageous warrior, this illness your constant companion. It is beyond my power to do anything other than stand by, holding the knowledge that this is your path. And mine, as well.

If it were possible, the sheer volume of my will would lift this burden from your life. That I can't fuels a belief that it's somehow my fault. Rightly or wrongly, this belief is The Destroyer of peace and joy. In your honor, I do battle each day, through the practice of fierce Acceptance and Gratitude for what is. Even, one day, perhaps coming to Love what is.

And I love you equally as fiercely. You are my most courageous teacher, friend, and truth teller, and have my deepest respect, admiration, and....yes Gratitude. Every victory brings another, carry it on...

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